Last week I made a social media post after going to the doctor’s office to talk about my upcoming ACL reconstruction surgery that was scheduled the day after. As I walked into the appointment and even as I sat on the table, my fear began to try and talk me out of having the surgery.
For the last year, I haven’t been able to train Muay Thai or even work out for that matter. I can recall making the statement to friends and family in the previous weeks/months that I wished surgery was “tomorrow” as I was in such pain and tired of not training.
Yet, on that table in the doctor’s office, my fear began to take over and tell a different story…. No, I wasn’t in pain. No, I didn’t need the surgery. I’d be just fine and back to working out in no time without it.
All of which I knew were false. But that’s what fear does…. It overrides the truth; creating false stories to invest our time and energy in. I’ve always liked the acronym of FEAR as False Evidence Appearing Real.
Fear often paralyzes us and limits our ability to move forward and grow.
In the last two years, I have become so much more aware of when my fear is kicking in and trying to hijack the truth. I can come up with countless examples of how fear has crept into nearly every single part of my life — Examples from small everyday things to big life decisions… fear is almost always present in some capacity.
I am so grateful that in the last two years, I’ve become aware of its presence. I can identify the fear, name what it is that I am really afraid of, examine what is true, and move forward with this in mind.
Over the course of the last two years — these are just some of the fears I have recognized:
- I’ll never be in love again
- I’ll never make my family proud
- Everyone close to me ends up hurting me
- People won’t see the truth and will believe the lies
- I’ll never be skinny and fit again
- I’ll never be debt free
- I’ll never be self-employed and wealthy
- My dreams won’t come true
- People will not like me for who I am and will reject/abandon me
- I am not worthy of love exactly as I am
- My worth and lovability are determined by my physical appearance/weight
- I, as a female coach, cannot be successful in the national Muay Thai scene
When I feel fear creeping in… I stop and ask myself what is true and what is really just fear masquerading as truth and breeding lies.
When we can identify and separate the two, we can move forward.
I see you, fear, and I raise you courage and action.